What is Transition Coaching? And Who is it For?
My daughter, who helped me fix up my coaching website, told me she wasn’t sure what transition coaching actually meant. Her comment sent me back to a book I’d read for my doctoral research: William Bridges’ Transitions: making sense of life’s changes.
Bridges writes that there is a difference between a change in life and a life transition.
Changes - like getting a new job, moving to a new home/city/country, having a baby, or retiring - are events connected with your situation. A transition, however, is “the inner reorientation and self-definition that you have to go through in order to incorporate any of those changes into your life” (p. xii).
In other words, changes are situational; transitions are psychological.
Think of parents who just had their first baby. Suddenly, their roles and routines dramatically change. There is so much they don’t know, and every day presents unexpected challenges. They are expected to be so thrilled, yet the experience brings, not only a baby, but a host of emotions, not all of which are joyous or thrilling. It can be really confusing. “What just happened to me - and us?” they wonder. This change in life urgently calls for learning and, if embraced as an opportunity, can be a time of great inner transformation - for the parents, as individuals, and as a couple. Without this awareness, it can be a period forever remembered as painful, depressing, and isolating.
Have you ever experienced a change in your life feeling like life somehow got out ahead of your psyche? I have.
I left home for college and immediately needed to know things I didn’t yet know and understand processes I didn’t yet understand. I knew that my life had changed dramatically, but I wasn’t yet equipped to handle it. Outer change had occurred. I was living 2000 miles away from everyone I knew and every routine I was used to. Inwardly, though, I was just scrambling to keep up!
With a new baby, much of the learning curriculum is presented to the parents: learn to nurse or give a bottle (or else)! Learn to bathe the infant and change diapers (or else)! But often, the learning one needs to do to adjust to a big life change isn’t so clear. I think of transitions as times when one needs to learn ones way forward. That takes time - and it really helps to have a teacher, mentor, or a guide to help with navigation. In other words, it helps to have a coach!
I recently spoke with someone who was planning to retire in a year and then was suddenly “let go”. At 11 a.m. one day, he got a call with the news, and within minutes, he had lost access to his email and everything else work-related. No time to wrap things up, celebrate his team, or even say goodbye. Talk about disorienting! He’d been with the company for over 20 years. What to do with all the anger and hurt and a host of other emotions? After the initial shock, what to do with all his energy, knowledge, skills…and his suddenly very long days? Who was he now that he wasn’t his work identity? Not only was he carrying around a heavy load of worry about his financial future, but there was also a great deal of disappointment and shame, which made it really hard to talk to friends and family. Times like this are when you might consider contacting a transition coach.
A coach can help you discover the learning that is called for at any given turning point.
I remember talking to a therapist after our kids had left home and we were “empty-nesters”. (I didn’t know about coaches at that time.) I was somewhat adrift. After listening to me, the therapist calmly noted, “It seems like you need to learn to care about something new.” That was a profound observation, which has stuck with me for many years.
Sometimes, changes are foisted upon us, like what happened to the man who was downsized. But even if you plan in advance, it doesn’t necessarily mean you will be able to anticipate how you will react to the change once it happens. Bridges names 3 phases that are part of any transition. First is an ending of what had been before: the identity, role, relationships, job, routines, etc.. Second, an in-between phase of disorientation when you really don’t know where you are, what is going on, and what should happen next. And finally, a new beginning presents itself - once you’ve had some time to achieve an “inner realignment and renewal of energy” (p. 159).
Transition coaching supports clients as they go through this process. With my clients, we examine where they are right now - what is and isn’t working, what they are feeling, thinking, and noticing. We discuss their aspirations and discover habitual thoughts or behaviors that may be getting in the way of their growth. I help them remember what they value. I encourage them to use their imagination and reconnect with what inspires them now. (This may be different from what used to inspire them.) I help them rediscover skills they may have forgotten about or may have been unable to acknowledge. I help them name their strengths and consider new possibilities. And yes, often I ask, “Do you think maybe it’s time to learn to care about something new?”
I help clients grow into a new version of themselves.
Life changes provide the impetus for inner transformation. I encourage clients to try out new ways of thinking, feeling, communicating, imagining, sensing, and intuiting. They discover they have a will they can consciously engage to energize their daily choices.
Awareness expands and clients take small (yet monumental) risks that
lead them to new places, inside and out.
This is how life change motivates personal transition. And this is why a great coach is a great find!
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Great clients are also a great find, by the way.
The kind of clients I love working with are people who:
are curious about themselves and their world,
are truly questioning the status quo of their lives,
are ready to try out new ways of thinking, living, and communicating, and
are looking for a non-judgmental thought partner, an insightful listener, and a guide while exploring their psyche and spirit.
Whether you are going through something that is clearly a life change or you are feeling confused or blocked about a decision or your next steps with a project, coaching can help. I’d love to hear your story and support your learning, growth, and development.
I offer a listening ear and an alternative perspective that can lead you to consider options and opportunities you may not yet have come to on your own.
Please reach out if you’re intrigued.